Online dating...on Instagram

Friday, 13 January 2017

As I'm sure you're aware, I'm not a stranger to online dating. I've tried Tinder, Bumble, Happen and OK Cupid and I have had successes as well as disappointments.

Online dating on Instagram wasn't something I ever set out to do. I've never even heard of people meeting on Instagram... and after you've read the below I think you'll understand why I'm not recommending it!

On Boxing Day I flew to Koh Samui for 10 days. I had been going to meet one of my friends and her boyfriend who have been travelling the world, but unfortunately they had had to go home after some medical problems so I was due to go alone. I wasn't going to cancel the flights and lose my money and I've travelled alone before so I thought this would all be fine. 

Fortunately my friend who lives in Singapore flew down to be with me for the first four days so I was really only alone about five days.

I decided to stay in a hostel for those five days in order to make friends... but unfortunately the one I picked seemed pretty dead so I had to go out into the big wide world (Ark Bar on the Beach) to make friends and meet people!

I met a few guys from the UK who were really nice and hung out with them for a couple of days, but they weren't going to be on the island for New Year's Eve so I knew I needed to meet someone to hang out with or risk spending New Years all alone!

I logged onto Tinder in Thailand to see if I could meet someone that way, but after a few matches I decided it wasn't the one for me. I didn't really want to meet up with someone who would be looking to get with me (famous last words) so I changed my tactics. 

Whilst thinking about all this I checked my message requests on Instagram. There were a couple from guys who had found me on Tinder and then there was one from an American guy who explained that he was travelling alone and had seen me hashtag #KohSamui on my photos and did I want to go for a drink with him.

He looked pretty normal (not my type at all) but seemed like a good option for a new friend!

I messaged him back and we agreed to meet up on New Year's Eve.

We met at Ark Bar and his colleague from work had also come along too (thank God). 

His colleague was really nice. A 40 year old guy also from the US who seemed really normal. The original guy however I wasn't as fond of.

You know when you just get a vibe from someone... he just kept touching my arm or leg whenever we were talking and put his arm round me so I sensed from the beginning that he liked me.

Awkward thing was I definitely didn't fancy him!

We went from Ark Bar over to Nikki Beach for their New Year's Eve party which was really cool. Much more Vegassy and expensive than the other side of the island and it was fun! It was an hour taxi ride though and I noticed on the way there that again he just kept occasionally touching me on the knee or on my arm... something I instantly didn't like.

When we got to Nikki Beach he went to the loo and I said to his colleague "I get the impression your friend fancies me... does he?" and he was like yes of course he does. I said to him, look I don't fancy him at all what do I do? He told me that at some point I should just slip away but maybe as the night progressed I would find myself fancying him.

I thought slipping away would be rude as we'd all come together, but knew it would not be the case that I would find myself fancying this guy.

Midnight got closer and closer and I just knew he was going to try and give me a midnight kiss.

Honestly even the thought of it now makes me feel uncomfortable.

The question is, what should a girl do in this situation. I am an hour away from my hotel with two strangers, one of whom I know is going to try it on with me.

If I'd said to him at this point, look I don't fancy you, it makes me seem very presumptuous. He hadn't even tried anything yet so it seems arrogant to say I know you fancy me and I don't fancy you.

I was starting to regret my decision of meeting someone from Instagram! 

Anyway midnight approached, fire dancers performed and fireworks went off. I deliberatly put my arms round both the boys in a pally kind of way to ensure I wasn't alone with just the one for the midnight moment!

It worked....then he turned round and kissed me. At this point I should have just pushed him off and said no, but I kind of believe New Years kisses can set the tone for the whole year, so I let him.


Afterwards I tried to laugh it off and said oh that was our new years kiss at least we both got one etc. Trying to imply that it was a one time thing.

He however took it as we both should act couply and go for a walk alone on the beach.

I was having none of that and went to the loo and thought about just getting a cab and leaving. Shadey.

But I ran into a group of English guys and explained the situation to them. They looked pretty tough so I figured I could hide behind them. After half an hour or so I saw the original guy walking round looking for me so I hung onto my new friends and hid. I'm such a coward

Eventually he found me and I introduced him to my friends from London I'd just happened to run into. 

At about 3 in the morning I'd had enough. I couldn't take anymore unwanted affection that I kept having to dart out of the way of.

So I did the grown up thing and took him to one side to speak to him. I said that I was sorry and I shouldn't have let him kiss me at midnight but he wasn't my type as I only like black guys.

Now... that sounds like an odd thing to say because I don't just like black guys. I like all races of men. I'm not selective I just have to find someone attractive, skin colour doesn't matter to me.

But in my head I thought if I blame his race then he can't change anything about it. If I'd said look you're too short, overweight and needy then he would have been offended. But race you're born with so he can't do anything about it.

This was apparently the wrong thing to say. He was INCREDIBLY offended and told me so.

He asked why I'd even met up with him if I didn't fancy him and I said that I'd thought he just wanted to be friends as we were both travelling alone so he called me "F***ing stupid and naive".

I told him that he wasn't being fair and I thought a boy and girl could just be friends, but I didn't like his tone so I got a cab all the way home and was in bed by 4am. Thankful that it hadn't got any worse or I hadn't agreed to walk alone with him on the beach!!

The next morning I woke up quite disheartened. I was alone in a country miles away from my friends and family and I had tried to make a friend and failed. Was I in the wrong? I shouldn't have let him kiss me, that is true, but did I lead him on by even agreeing to meet in the first place.

Should I have stated outright, "Hello I'm Emma thanks for messaging me, by the way I don't think you're hot so don't know whether we should meet up" 

What is the correct protocol ... does anyone know? 

Maybe it's don't meet people from Instagram!

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