Dating Blog: Ghosting

Friday, 16 December 2016


What a topic to write about!

Internet dating is an amazing thing. It means you have access to a whole pool of people you would never meet normally. Dating is no longer just being set up with a friend of a friend, meeting someone through work or meeting someone in a bar. Now you can meet someone with no mutual friends who you never would have met before!

This certainly has it's benefits as the dating pool is much larger.

However, it also has its drawbacks.

If you're dating a friend of a friend then generally you know they're going to be a decent person and if they lose interest they'll have to go about it in a kind way as otherwise your mutual friend would probably be annoyed!!

Dating a complete random means the rules change.

It means politeness and manners can go out the window.

The sad thing is I'm sure a lot of people out there who have tried internet dating, tinder, bumble, speed dating etc etc have dealt with being ghosted, or even ghosted someone themselves!
I certainly have. I mean, my own boyfriend tried to ghost me as a way of breaking up with me...so I certainly have experience in this area. (Obviously I didn't let him get away with that... so he broke up with me over the phone instead - not at all cowardly after a 9 month relationship...)

Anyway... I just don't understand how people can be so rude. Surely they weren't raised by their mothers that way? Or maybe they were raised correctly, but when it comes to dating they think ghosting is acceptable.

Is it acceptable?
I don't think it is.... but maybe in the modern dating game it is.

An experience I had this autumn left me completely confused. 

I met a guy on tinder and we had the most perfect first date. The date was thought out and he'd put effort into organising it. We had so much in common and by the end of the night I was smitten. He almost seemed too perfect. 

I hate getting excited about dates because I just know that they all seem to end up badly for me ... otherwise I wouldn't be single. But I got really excited about him. Again, he just seemed too perfect which made me nervous that it would all go wrong.

Maybe I should listen to my instincts...or maybe dating has turned me into a cynic.

Part of me is a hopeless romantic who wants to believe in being swept off her feet by the perfect guy where you just know he's "The One" but the other part of me knows that isn't realistic.

Anyway... I got excited about him. 

For our second date we had dinner on a Sunday and then watched Planet Earth together. A perfect Sunday evening.

One thing I thought was slightly odd was I went to his to watch Planet Earth and all his housemates were in the living room. We went straight to his room to watch Planet Earth... so he didn't introduce me. 

He said it was because the living room was a mess...but maybe I now don't believe that.

But that is literally the ONLY thing that felt off. 

We had a second great date. I found out we had even more in common than I thought and I left feeling excited about it all.

How stupid I was

We messaged back and forth a little bit over the next few days but we both weren't free that week for a third date. 

I knew he was out with work on the Thursday night and when he messaged me on Thursday evening asking what my "movements were" I thought perhaps he wouldn't be too long with his work drinks and I might get to see him.

I told him what my plans were (packing and watching a film) and asked whether he was going to be having a wild late night and then I NEVER HEARD FROM HIM AGAIN.

Ever....

He is definitely alive... because he read my message and changed his whatsapp photo...

But I genuinely never heard from him again.

I messaged two days later saying "I'm assuming your night was super wild and you lost your phone and that's why you haven't messaged me...." and he read it straight away ... and nothing.

He's obviously disappeared off to the land of the ghosts. I'm not kidding myself and thinking he'll ever reappear. And I don't want him to. I have a three day rule, if you don't reply to me for three days you're gone. Cut. 

Why would I want to be with someone who wouldn't text me for three days?

I wouldn't

My thoughts are he met someone newer and shinier that Thursday night and went off with them. Or maybe he just didn't like me. Or a combo of the two!
The problem with Tinder and things like that is you can swipe onto the next person so easily. You don't have to put any real effort in to get a date. So its so easy to dispose of people and find a new one.

I just think that if you don't like someone anymore, or meet someone new, or decide you don't want to date...whatever the reason. There is no excuse for ghosting.

Sending a message just saying the reason might feel uncomfortable, but it puts the other person out of their misery!
Is he going to message me? Is he not? Does he like me? Has he been hit by a car? 

Whoever is reading this, boy or girl, just give the person a reason. Do they not deserve an explanation?

Think about whether your mother would be proud of your actions next time you ghost someone!

Or maybe you'll read this and never ghost someone again? That would be great. I think everyone deserves an explanation!


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Disclaimer: Yes I've ghosted someone before. In fact I ghosted that awful date I had where the guy insulted me all evening ( blog here

But I have since texted him apologising for the ghosting and explaining why I didn't think we should have a second date

So maybe I've got some good karma back? I'll never do it again.

4 comments :

  1. love this! I've had this done to me soooooooo many times it's unreal, it's such a horrid feeling!

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    Replies
    1. Its so awful isn't it! And so avoidable! Xxx

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  2. I will never ghost again...it's bad karma!!

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