When your date mocks you all night...

Sunday, 4 December 2016

As you all know (or if you don't know, scroll back to May 2014) my blog started as a dating blog.

It has now evolved into much more than that and I kind of think of it as an online diary/travel blog/beauty blog/with a bit of dating on the side.

I was in a relationship for the first 9 months of this year...so I had no material for dating blogs...

However...now I do!

I'm being selective though - I don't think I want to write down my whole dating life and expose it to the world as I once did.

Instead I'll just pick the worst stories.

Stories about dates where there is definitely not going to be a second date!

This story is about a guy we shall call "Aragorn" who I'm sure you will have worked out from the title mocked me for our entire date.

Let's start at the beginning...

I've been single for about two months now...and have been actively swiping on Tinder and Bumble.

I basically just like swiping ... its fun! Like window shopping.

I've had quite a few dates, mostly with SUPER hot tanned muscly men (just my type), but some of my friends have suggested that maybe I'm a bit shallow on tinder, and only swipe the super hot tanned muscly ones!

Maybe I'm missing out on the man of my dreams because I'm being shallow.

So I took this constructive criticism on board and swiped a guy who wasn't tanned or superduper hot (in my opinion).

He looked just like a nice normal guy, so I swiped on Sunday night...and we matched!

My Tinder bio is something along the lines of "I'm a glam girl who likes a night out in London or Vegas but I'm also a secret geek that loves Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones and Jurassic Park. My drinks of choice for a date are red wine or gin and I live to travel bla bla bla."

He messaged me straight away after we matched to say that I had mentioned five of his favourite things in my bio. Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones, Jurassic Park, Red Wine and Gin.

This was pretty encouraging and I thought maybe my friends are right! A relationship should be based on mutual interests rather than whether you really fancy someone.

At this point he informed me that he really loved Lord of the Rings and even had a replica sword of Aragorn's.

The geek in me came out and I asked whether the sword was Anduril etc... but I did think it was a little strange. 

Anywayyy we bonded over our love of Lord of the Rings and arranged to meet the next day for drinks.

Monday night is a bit of an odd day for a first date...but I'm really busy at the moment and couldn't fit it in any other day.

We arranged to meet at six... which I again think is a bit of an odd time, but I could have perfectly easily suggested later so I'm not going to blame this on him.

I suggested we go to Hush for drinks, as he worked in Mayfair, and I like Hush as a date spot. But he didn't take my suggestion on board and suggested Quaglinos...a fine choice.

Enroute to Quaglinos he sent me a photo to show that Quaglinos was closed for a private event.

If I was planning a date I would call the bar first to book a table or make sure they aren't closed etc.

But we were in Mayfair so there were plenty of places around. I thought that at this point he might take up my suggestion of Hush but he suggested we go to the pub he had just come from.

I kind of pictured a cosy old dark pub where I could have a nice glass of red so I agreed.

Nono...this was the brightest pub I have ever been to! It was dead because it was a Monday at 6pm and it was SO bright! 

I should probably point out that even without the brightness I knew within about a second that I didn't fancy him.

But I gave Aragorn the benefit of the doubt and wasn't going to be rude about it!

Another thing I didn't like. I don't know why I just didn't...but he said before how much he loved gin and red wine...just like me! But instead he ordered a pint of stella when I ordered my g&t and I just thought it was a little chavvy.

I know thats AWFUL of me...but Stella is called the wifebeater beer and its stuck with me that I think its chavvy. Someone can drink whatever they want I shouldn't judge.

I'm just seriously dissecting this date right now! 

So we're there in the pub, I don't fancy him, its the brightest room I've ever been in and the conversation just doesn't flow.

I ended up talking about my hair for about 5 minutes... I felt SO dull!

It didn't help that every subject I talked about he mocked.

And not just once or twice...every subject.

"I'm going to Poland soon for a salsa congress" - "What's a salsa congress? Where you sit around talking about dancing hahaha so weird."

Since this date I have spoken to another guy who had the right response "Wow that's such a random place to salsa, how interesting, tell me more about it!"

That is the correct response. Not I have never heard of this so its odd...

"... oh I don't eat meat" - "You don't eat meat! Why! ... So its because of climate change and eating meat damaging the environment? ... That's not true, eating animals doesn't affect the world and the oceans aren't in danger"

This annoyed me so much and I think it was pretty obvious. He also called me a hypocrite for owning fur (vintage) but not eating meat. 

It just annoyedddd me! Eugh so stupid and naive! I don't care if people eat meat, but don't be so uneducated and rude.

At this point he suggested going to eat at a steak restaurant together the following week. I got my paper diary out and made up loads of appointments I had so that I wasn't free...and he mocked the fact I have a paper diary.

I LOVE my paper diary :( only my friends are allowed to tease me about it.

He also told me at least five times that my "problems" were first world problems. I'm aware they are. I said that the previous week I'd lost an emerald earring and I was upset about it "first world problems". I said that my friend was travelling and I was going to see her but she was having to come home so I was going alone "first world problems" I can't even remember the others but it was annoying.

Every time he went to the loo I messaged me flatmate complaining and wondering how to leave.

Fortunately he said "one more drink for the road" which I took as a sign we were going. He didn't suggest dinner thank God.

I will give him credit that he bought me three drinks. I offered (quite forcefully) to buy at least one round but he didn't want me to so that is quite nice.

But then I take that credit back...because he asked about my sex life with my exes...which is a seriously personal thing to ask.

We both ordered ubers and his turned up first. I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for the evening. (This was about 8pm) He then (which I think is really bad) went in for the kill and kissed me on the mouth.

If I've gone for the cheek you don't then swoop in for the mouth I think that's not right. So he kissed me and said "dinner next week" ... I said "only if  you've stopped being an arsehole about vegetarianism by then" and walked off.

I got in my cab and he text me saying "You're cute ;) "

It made me shiver and not in a good way.

Maybe he was trying to have banter on this date but I did not appreciate it one bit!

Back to swiping just super hot guys! (God I sound so mean!)


  1. Oh god this sounds awful! I often wonder what these guys are thinking... Swiping only super hot guys is obviously the way to go ;)

    1. I have no idea what he was thinking! I'd rather be single than date him!


  2. Sorry you went through that. He seems more like a grima wormtongue than an Aragorn. (Lotr nerd too) should have just went with your gut and told him you just weren't feeling it and called it an early night.

    1. He really was! Definitely not my Aragorn!



Made With Love By The Dutch Lady Designs