Living for YOU - Advice on Getting Over a BreakUp

Friday, 29 January 2016

Happy New Year to you all.

I know we're at the end of January, but I've been thinking about doing this kind of New Years' Resolution post and I think now is the time.

I put this status update on Facebook on New Year's Eve:

This year has been the best of my whole life! Committing to myself for a year rather than a man has made me appreciate my life so much more. It's been my year of travel - Brazil Argentina Vegas Malta Barcelona Turkey Poland Paris and now Courchevel. I've been so lucky this year and hope you all have been too - tomorrow is a fresh start, so if this hasn't been your year next year will be! Happy New Years from me to you! 

I actually had a few people message me on fb and ask me questions about how I got over my ex and how I had a year just for myself.

I was surprised but actually really appreciated that people came to me for advice. Makeup blogging is all very well but if I can help someone it makes it so much better!

I don't really want to focus this on my ex...because why would I want to waste time thinking about him! But I'm afraid it might a little bit.

Spend time with those you love
I broke up with him over Christmas (two years ago now!) the first thing I did was spend time with the people I loved. Even if I was crying and miserable, it was better to do that on the shoulder of my friends and family than on my own in my room feeling sorry for myself.

Get him out of your system
You always have the question in your brain of "if I'd tried harder would we still be together" or "would it work if I tried again". This probably isn't advisable, but I went back about six months after we broke up. And although this delayed the process of getting over him, it meant that when we broke up again I knew for sure that there was definitely no point trying I'd already tried again! 

Give it your all, try and make something work. But at the end of the day you know whether someone is the one for you or not. Even if on the surface you convince yourself they could be...deep down you will know. Someone who is The One for you won't treat you like sh!t. I'm sure there are a few exceptions...but most of the time, the person who you're meant to be with won't treat you badly.

SO to out in your brain whether the person you're with is the one. And if they're not then come to terms with it. You might cry yourself to sleep for months...but better that than being stuck with them making you miserable and wasting time on it.

Get out of your comfort zone
This can be in a number of ways... I tried a couple.

I bought a flat in London...when I'd been planning to buy a house with him. This gave me my independence, got me back into the city I loved and actually gave myself confidence that I don't need a man financially to live the life I want. Now this is extreme and I know I'm very lucky and many people can't just casually buy a flat. What I mean is, if you're living at home maybe see if you can move in with friends, or if you're living with him then there will obviously need to be a change. 

Another, potentially easier way, to get out of your comfort zone is to take a trip. This can be the trip of a lifetime...or it can be a casual girls holiday with a friend. Even if its a weekend away in England with a friend or exploring a new part of the UK alone it will help.

I booked a trip to Brazil...on my own... in January with a departure date in February! So mine was quite last minute and wild. But that's just me. Whereever you go you are putting yourself in new surroundings and having new experiences and making new memories!
A holiday makes everything seem better.

Even though it might seem too much to some people I really do think going away alone was what I needed. I went somewhere I've always wanted to go...had plenty of time for just me to think about the life I wanted when I got home, but was also pushed out of my comfort zone in the sense that I had to make friends.
If you're interested, the travel agent people I used was gadventures

Become a Yesman
Even though for a while I had a desire to sit in with a bottle of wine and cry on my own...I tried my hardest to say Yes to all the plans my friends suggested. Even if I didn't feel like it and it meant getting the tube all the way East or North I tried my hardest to go...and I have some really great memories of occasions when I did something I didn't feel like...but had a great time!

Make Plans
Even though I'm totally over my ex now...and I'm not just saying that, I actually am...this is still something I do - Make Plans.

I think probably any single person does this..but I make plans weeks in advance. I book up my diary with Sunday plans with friends I haven't seen for ages, or mid week dinners after work with my friends who commute out of london and I don't get to see as much. 

If I have a diary booked up in advance it means that I don't get to Friday and go "Oh God, what am I going to do this weekend!?" I usually always have plans which makes dating quite hard actually! If I meet someone I like and they say what are you doing this weekend, I usually have plans. 

When I was in a relationship I didn't really have any hobbies that I did alone. Most of my weekends were spent with him as were a few evenings a week so I didn't do anything just for me.

So I did one of the best things I've ever done! I started Salsa. I've been doing it two years now and I can't get over my love for it. I might not go out dancing every weekend like some of my really dedicated salsa friends but that doesn't mean I don't love it. My teacher is incredible and he really has pushed me to improve. There were times when I thought a doublespin was the hardest thing in the world and now I'm confident triple spinning numerous times. If you're interested my teacher is called Super Mario and you can find him here

I also started my blog! I kind of thought noone would be interested in what I had to say...but at the start I actually didn't really care about how many views or comments I got. It was more of a creative outlet to blog about funny dating stories I was having now that I'd started dating again. It's progressed into something I love doing and I love making time for. If you're reading this, thank you for taking the time! I hope something of what I write appeals to you and you carry on enjoying what I have to say!

I probably got into this a bit too soon after my breakup...woops! I think we broke up on the Monday...and the following Thursday I had my first date! My friend made me download Tinder, I was loving the swiping and I figured why not go on a date. In fact it was quite bad because I broke all the dating rules, acted really coupley with him, got drunk...and cried. Not good...but he asked me on a second date so it can't have been that bad.

I then realised that I needed to wait a bit so I toned down my swiping. 

To be honest, maybe looking back I started dating too soon...but it made me feel so much better about myself. To have guys match with me and know they thought I looked halfway decent (when my ex told me on a few occasions that I was overweight...cheers!) was such a confidence boost. So I've been on a few dates over these two years. Some have been successful, some haven't...but none of them have really gone further than one, two or three dates.
In fact I kind of acted like a guy. I knew I needed to be single so I went on one or two dates but didn't let my guard down enough to let anyone in. Its got to be someone special for me to do that. 

And just to note...that special guy will not get blogged about! Its all very well to blog about funny dates I've been on or awful guys who stood me up...but blogging about someone I like I just think is too far!

Living for me
I guess the final thing to end on is that, yes it took me a little while to get over my ex...and all the stuff above helped me massively. But the main thing that really changed in my life and the main thing that has made me a happier better person now is I just started living for me. 

I did whatever I wanted without having to think about someone else - and that is what has made me the happiest I've ever been. Now when I let someone into my life again I'm going to keep that up. I'm not going to compromise my life and be miserable for someone else's happiness. I'm going to make sure we both enhance each others lives...because that's what a relationship is really about!

I hope the above was helpful. If you're going through a horrible breakup I really do understand. Just stay strong and focus on the good things. Easier said than done but just live for you!




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