Guest Dating Post - A Tinder Nightmare

Monday, 30 November 2015

One of my friends had the kind of Tinder experience that you only hear about in rumour.

The type that you go...omg this happened to my friend - how mental is that!

So I asked her to do a Guest Blog Post for me so I could share the story with you guys who love my dating blogs!

You can meet somebody tomorrow who has better intentions for you than someone you’ve known forever. Time means nothing. Character does.

That’s the quote that flashed through my thoughts when a man that I had known less than 24 hours asked me if I wanted to go away with him. We’d been on one wine-fueled date, and I’d felt a connection I’d not felt for a long time. I was positive that he’d felt it too, as he told me that he wished he could know what I was thinking, laughed when I tried to be witty, caught my gaze and then held it there…Basically, he did everything that you wanted a date to do. If there was some sort of first-date exam, he passed with flying colours.

Looking back, it’s clear to see that he was just performing a series of well-rehearsed moves. Coming from a drama background, I should have been wise to his acting. Instead, I melted like the hopeless romantic that I am.

This guy, who I shall call Tim (although I want to use something a bit stronger, perhaps with 4 letters), entered and exited my life like a hurricane; an intense whirlwind that vanished before the dust could even settle, leaving me romantically traumatized in its wake.

So how did it happen? And, more importantly, why did I let it happen?

Let’s start with why. Before Tim entered my life, I’d been casually seeing a guy called “Adrian.” Frustrated with how slowly things were moving with him (9 dates over 2 months and still no sign of things moving forward), I’d decided to stop waiting for him to settle down and get myself back on the dating scene the easiest way I knew how – Tinder.

I spent the morning in bed, swiping left on many and right on a few, and low and behold, I matched with a handsome 31 year old. A few seconds later, he messaged me. We exchanged less than 4 sentences before he gave me his number so we could move onto Whatsapp.

Less that 10 minutes after I first texted him on Whatsapp, he asked me what I was doing that evening, and whether or not I wanted to watch the rugby with him. “Woah…this guy moves fast!” was my initial thought, but instead of being alarmed, I was actually kind of intrigued. After two months of patiently waiting for Adrian to pull his finger out, it was kind of refreshing to meet someone so forward. Normally, I like to talk to a guy for a few days, even weeks, before I meet up with them, but in this case I genuinely couldn’t think of a reason not to go. It was Friday, I had no plans, and I didn’t want to stay in. After consulting my friends, the general consensus was “YOLO – have a great time and be safe.”

Tim picked me up from my house at 7pm (first dating rule broken – Don’t get in cars with strangers! What an idiot I am…) in a shiny black Mercedes. I don’t like to think of myself as shallow, but his car kind of turned me on. After having one ex who had a driving ban (meaning I had to chauffeur him around for three and a half years), and another with a battered old Vauxhall with a dented bumper, the Merc was a refreshing change. I wasn’t blown away by Tim himself, as I remember thinking he looked a bit different from his pictures, but he seemed nice enough. Once we were at the pub, I sent a sneaky voice note to my girls’ WhatsApp group saying “I don’t know if I fancy him, or just his car.” The date itself couldn’t have gone better and, feeling slightly rambunctious after all of the wine, I agreed to go back to his on the condition that he was a perfect gentleman (second dating rule broken – NEVER go back on a first date!)

To his credit, Tim was a gentleman for the most part. He did try it on, but was respectful when I said that this was to be a strictly ‘PG’ sleepover.

In the morning, he drove me home and mentioned his business trip to Birmingham the following day. He asked me if I would like to accompany him but, thinking he must be joking, I just laughed it off.

Later that day, however, when he asked me again, I found it hard to think of reasons to say no. I mean, our first date had been totally spontaneous and had gone so well, I did fancy him and the thought of going away for a couple of days seemed exciting (even if it was to Birmingham!)

So, off we went. He picked me up the next morning (half an hour late and with a stinking hangover which I can probably conclude was the result of another wine-fuelled date with another girl just like me – great!) and we drove the four hours towards Birmingham. The thing that struck me most about that journey was the fact that it didn’t feel at all awkward. He made me feel so comfortable – as if I’d known him forever. He reached over and held my hand as he drove, kissed me at every red light and, when we stopped for a Burger King on the way, he stood behind me in the queue with his arms around my waist and told me that he was “never usually so touchy-feely with girls,” but that he felt so “comfortable” around me. (If you’ve ever watched Legally Blonde, the part where Elle Woods throws the box of chocolates at the TV while screaming “LIAR!” is so wonderfully apt at this point.) I’m usually pretty cynical when it comes to dating, but somehow I became engulfed in the romance of it all. In short – I trusted him.

Birmingham itself was a dream. Tim treated me amazingly well and I remember thinking “Wow – this is what I’ve been waiting for. This is what I deserve! Finally!” We went out for drinks and then a really nice Tapas dinner, then stumbled back to the hotel. Again, I asked Tim to be a gentleman, and again he was. I mean, we did do some stuff that night, but not the full monty (I was trying my best to remain a lady!)

In the morning, Tim went off to work, leaving me in bed at the hotel. He sent me cute messages all morning and I kind of felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (minus the prostitute part). I couldn’t wait for him to come back and, when he did, you can guess what happened (*insert monkey covering his eyes emoji*)

The rest of the trip continued in the same romantic fashion – walking through the city arm in arm in the rain, breakfast at the Bullring, then the long drive home. Tim was affectionate as always, and I was smitten.

Once I was at home, there wasn’t time for the “Will I hear from him again?” panic to settle in. I’d barely set foot in the door when Tim called my phone asking me to come to his because he’d somehow smashed his head in the garden. Flattered that I was his first point of call, my Florence Nightingale mode kicked in and I drove straight to his and accompanied him to A&E. I waited with him for 4 hours, and the whole time we cuddled up to each other the way we did in Birmingham. At this point, I’d only known him for 3 days, and yet I felt closer to him than I’d ever felt after 2 months with Adrian, or even 9 months with my ex.

After the A&E ordeal, I went back to Tim’s and he tucked me in on the sofa and made dinner for the both of us. It honestly felt like we’d been together for ages. Needless to say, I spent the night with him again.

Conscious that I would be going abroad that weekend for work, I wanted to see Tim as much as possible beforehand, so I said yes when he asked me to go round the following night. Again, I stayed over, meaning that I’d spent the last 4 out of 5 nights with him. Intense, right? The memory that most sticks out about that night, my final night with him, was the way that he kissed me goodnight (sadly, one of the best kisses I’ve ever had) and how we fell asleep holding hands. There in that bed with a man I barely knew, I just felt safe, secure and, most of all, happy. I never wanted to lose that feeling.

The next morning, however, I sensed a change in the atmosphere. Tim seemed distant and rushed. Everything about him seemed different, so I felt slightly deflated when I left his. Even more so when I didn’t hear from him at all that day. “He’s a grown up,” I told myself. “He has a busy job and he doesn’t have time to message you all the time.”

Well, not only did he have a busy job. It turned out that he had a whole secret life that I knew nothing about. The following day, I received a nasty wake up call: Tim’s girlfriend, AKA the mother of his 4-year-old daughter, had taken his phone and sent me a series of messages at 4am.

She sent me screenshots of conversations that Tim had been having with friends, apparently talking about me (or some other girl, as he seemed to be seeing a fair few!) in which he spoke about me in less than gentlemanly tones.

When I woke up and read the messages, the first thing I did was reply to see if she was still on Tim’s phone – she was. Next thing I knew, we were confiding in each other as if we were old friends. I told her everything – the hotel, how charming he was, how I had no idea that he had a girlfriend (I knew he had a child but he’d said that he was on excellent terms with the mother, and that we’d even get along great!) In return, she told me that she believed everything I said because this was not the first time that he had been caught cheating.

Apparently, he had first cheated when she was pregnant with their child, and she left him. A couple of years later they got back together, but it seems that he was now up to his old tricks. I found it hard to keep it together as I learnt that this man – who I’d somehow fallen for in less than a week – had over 1000 matches on Tinder, was speaking to what seemed like 100 of them and sleeping with probably half a dozen of them! I was absolutely gutted, disgusted and ashamed of myself for letting my guard down so easily.

This all happened about 2 months ago, and it’s taken me this long to write it down because I still get so angry when I think about it. Since the Tim fiasco, I’d really lost all hope in dating and genuinely believed for a short while that all of the eligible men out there are sociopaths that only want sex, and will do or say anything to get it. I know that this isn’t true, but when you’ve been duped that badly it’s hard not to tar everybody with the same brush, at least for a while.

Luckily, I think I’m pretty much over it now and ready to get back on the dating scene. This time, however, I’ll be a lot more cautious and I CERTAINLY won’t be going away with anybody anytime soon!

As for Tim, the last thing I heard from his girlfriend (who turned out to be an absolute sweetheart) was that she was leaving him – she didn’t want her 4-year-old to think it was ok for men to treat women like that, and too right! Nevertheless, I wish him the best of luck. Well, maybe not the best. I wish him well. Kind of.

Crazy huh? Now you can see why I asked her to write this down for me! It reminds me of that film The Other Woman - which by the way is one of my absolute favourites! 

If you have any Tinder Nightmare Stories tweet me or comment below! I'm nosey and I love to read them!


  1. Wow! Kind of crazy... Hope you are having a great day ♥

    1. Mental isn't it! Have a great day too!! :)


  2. wow, that sounds like something out of a movie lol

  3. Publish his name! Slime like that does not deserve anonymity!

  4. Oh goodness! This sounds horrific!
    The worst I've had on Tinder was a guy who was really nice at first but became ridiculously clingy after a couple of weeks - he'd text, then ten minutes later Whatsapp, then two minutes after that Facebook, then text again "Are you ignoring me?", then I'd get a sad face snapchat... I'm seeing a really nice guy I met on Tinder at the moment and now I'm really worried he has a secret girlfriend and child haha!

    Jess xo | The Indigo Hours

  5. Eugh clingyness is not ideal. But then whenever I like anyone I have the fear that I'm clingy so I have to hold back! I wouldnt go as extreme as message whatsapp facebook snapchat! Good luck with the tinder guy! I'm sure the girlfriend child scenario is rare! At least I hope it is! X


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